Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Spoken Mind?

“No. Not this time.” Decode—Paramore.


A broken heart will be healed as time goes by.
There’s nothing such a true love if time runs still. Time heals broken heart.

Girls, do you really believe in those statements above? Or to be more proper, I call them ‘quotes’. Do you really believe in those motivating words? You may do, but I totally DO NOT.
What can save you from a broken heart if you’re brought down by something you even don’t know? You blame yourself for causing this relationship ends. But, did you? You blame him for causing but DID he?
Some say that breaking up is just common. Pathetically some say it’s a must.
‘It’s life, some just go away to give place to the newcomers.’
For God sake, I don’t want a new him. I don’t want him to be replaced. The moment we had together was just too perfect to be had. Cliché, eh? But you know what I’m saying is true. You used to have the best, your best, God’s best for you, but you—or according to my case, it’s me—threw him up that easy?
You said he didn’t deserve you without looking at selves. You said he was so selfish for hanging out with his friends, and when it came to be boy friends, you shouted him a gay, and if they weren’t boys instead of girls, you called him a player. Gave all the shopping bags to him to be carried, so he’d look like a real gentleman treating a girl like his Lady, and spent all day in saloon or spa with him waiting by your side. Even a single step out of the saloon, you seriously wanted to break him up for being not understanding nor caring. He once forgot to text you a goodnight text because his day was tiring and the next morning he got a thousand miscalls and swear words inside his phone inbox. But when it was you, disappeared for a day without any texts and informations—the valid one—for him, you got mad as soon as you found your phone was full of his texts. You expected him to reply your text while he was on his way home, driving his car alone. Do you really want this house believes that you want him to die as soon as possible in a car crash for texting while driving? And not to understand the situation, you thought he was cheating behind you and as he got home, you shouted at his almost-crying-face.

Die, we all die. We adored ourselves too much that it could kill the happiest man alive. They gave all we want, all we ever asked, all we’d been longing for years. A flawless love, a perfect  kiss, a warm hug. Aren’t those what you were telling all your childhood friends to be had in your happy future? You told them all you don’t need money but love. You didn’t need a cute face, well-built body, but a pure heart that is intended to love a girl to the rest of his life. Confession is easy to be denied, but heart can never stop speaking the truth for, of a lost soul like us. You knew you want him. You knew you want him to be treated well as your man. Can you, actually? Do exactly the same according to your dreams, to the plans you were telling people you wanna do?

I doubt you can. I doubt I can. But at least we’re not giving up instead of trying to be better and better after every problems we’re in, right? In my case, time flies away but I stand still in the memory about him. Can’t even take a step forward or backward. I’ve been stuck here for more than a year, and day by day it’s getting hard to move on from where I am now. Checking on my phone is still the first thing I’m doing as I got up. Wish if there’s any texts from you; if it was from last night or it was just sent right away from your silver-used-to-be-cellphone. And surprisingly, I am no more surprised to know there’s no text from you and it still hurts though it happens everyday. Maybe that truth surprises me no more, but still, the pain I get from knowing it, is still exactly the same with the first time it happened.

Dolls, oh dolls.
From this super-duper-long-and-lack post, all I really want to say is only to keep your man by your side. To love him with all your heart, with all he got. No matter he’s on your criteria or not, you gotta love him. Don’t wait until everything turns into something you just never think over it. Do not wait until you do regret,, because it hurts more than losing someone, I’m telling you because I’ve been regretting all I’ve done for more than years.


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