Have You Ever Heard of My Mom?

Have you ever heard of my mom?

No, the answer is obvious. I am not the kind of melancholy girl that would put up too much slices of my life exposed here. This is a beauty blog, anyway. But today, I would like to tell all of you about this one person, who may be just nobody so important for you people but she gets my most respect out of the other 7 billion people out there.

Have you ever heard of a mom’s sacrifices?

There are so many real heroic stories out there which always succeed to bring tears to us, but my mom doesn’t have any to be told, nothing close to the dramatic heroic stories, but I do know my mom is more than just hero to her children.

She struggled to bring me into this world, carrying the chubby me inside her uterus for more than 9 months while still taking cheap public transport to work every day until the day of my birth. Nothing was easy with that. I, the baby, kept sucking the nutrition out of what she just ate. Am I not more than just parasite back there, even when I still couldn’t scream those rude words to her.

But she caressed her tummy instead, trying to convince me that I was indeed more than parasite, though later I really did speak up the junks in my head to her harshly.

And I still do now, sometimes.

Have you ever heard of what I did back there to my mom?

I was so rebellious since those younger ages. Something I was so proud of, of which I now regret the most.

My mom is not the most perfect mother in this world. She took me for a long walk in the hot and humid weather, stopping the cheapest public transport (but ugly and dirty, of course), and went to a place I had never been before but questioning her where the hell we were going to do there. Not knowing the reasons of doing things above and forced to follow her was a hell, but knowing them was more than just hell – I felt like I’d been thrown into avici, the lowest level of hell and cried myself so loud for mumbling bad along the road later on when I knew the truth.

She was not punishing me for screwing up my math test. She didn’t want me to burn my skin to the crazy sun exposure and weather or bring me down to road just to know “what life is actually when you have no car, dear”. She had no companion back there and she could not reach ‘that place’ alone because it was killing her inside. Taking my four years old brother was almost impossible due to something related between his head and long sun exposure. So it was me left for her to take along, to the place we call as “mommy will let go some of this cool shiny stuffs, okay?” before she was handed money in exchange of the jewelries.

Have you ever heard how distance can’t put two hearts of people apart?

The sad story went on, as there are always dark days behind my bright and her wrinkly smiles. Putting off all the fun and expensive things behind, she worked day to night everyday and even until midnight at last days of a year when it came for her to do something with company’s item stocks. I complained to her of her absence during the family New Year eve’s dinner time not knowing that she was making money for me and my brother’s living instead.

Her departure was inevitable, just like the war that’s going on in my head and mind: I was in between of happiness for the freedom after she went to another city – job matters – and emptiness of being left by my mother. Why did universe do us apart? Either if it was a fate of decision of her, I could do nothing but to appreciate everything she did. Not that the separation brought me freedom instead of making me know more about her love and how deep it was (and still is). Every time I was about to hang out crazily with my friends, I had always had this picture of her face in my mind, and not so long after that a call would ring my phone up: it was her, having this feeling of the danger her daughter might go for.

That caused me to cancel my hang out plan.

Wait. Did she just read my mind? The mystic telepathy things, or a fate,

Or was it something the universe set us in its epic play?

Was it something godly?

Have you ever heard the sound of a breaking heart?

I cannot be delighted and grateful more than I am now. I thank God every now and then for the mother I have, even though we were not allowed to be together more than 9 years in my life. She’s now struggling very hard to keep raising and funding me and my brother from hundred miles away while I am also doing the same thing for her here. Can my sacrifices and acts be enough to repay her, even she never asks for them.

Every time she goes home to meet us, it’s always just short; not longer than two days in every chance we have. This condition breaks our heart of course, even though we’re not broke financially anymore. We – I agree that I may have wanted it more than she may – want to just quit this all, take a break for seconds and really do quit the things we do just to be together again. When it comes to her, it’s not that she won’t quit her job just to be with me and my brother again. But when she really does, what we will eat tomorrow? And a day after it? And two months later?

My time is running up. If God really makes my way to study abroad, I will have no time left to spend with her. I will be attending college and uni after it, before I get my first job and keep working until I meet this unknown, God-sent guy of whom will marry me and get me move into the new house. How can I spend more days with my mom, physically side by side?

And by every moment I think about that imminent life story of which soon I will live on, I hear the sound of a breaking heart,

followed by tears streaming down my cheeks.

Have you ever heard of a mom’s cry after reading this boring, long passage?

She has been aware of my departure to nowhere and the whole marriage thing since long time ago. She’s not even sorry for that but feeling guilty to get me not enough years to spend with her in those earlier days. She’s very aware of a growing up kid who soon will leave the house and likely not to return again if not something wrong has happened. Aware of how wealth can drive someone away from those lacking of it. Aware that we both may not have enough time to live in this cruel but otherwise real world.

I am aware, too.

I am aware of everything that will approach us in future. I am aware of my leaving, I am aware of this decision of mine to set us apart even for the additional thousand miles away. If I don’t do that for my mom, how can I ever repay her back? It’s not something measured by any currency or belief or any scale in this world but,

she knows how I cannot stand to be like her if I am put in such a condition while being a mother. She’s very aware of me and my characteristic: I am young, independent but totally rebellious. She only hopes that I can do better than her for indeed a better living for my future family so that my kids don’t have to feel the way that I do now, and I don’t have to feel the way she feels all this years. I’ve grown strong and quite mature for someone at my age, thanks to her and all this experience, but nobody even close to her.

She is totally aware of whom I will become in the future, maybe a good mom, but nothing like her,

of which I am aware too.

That’s why I want her to be happy. To concern more on her health and happiness, and less caring about her crazy kids. Go live a life, enjoy it the way people calls happiness to be like. Buy things she likes, have a sip on coffee while enjoy reading the inspirational biography novels which are always the source of her power and spirit.

Have you ever heard of my mom?

I have this imperfect mom out of the thousands mother in this world, her sacrifices are awesome and always more than perfect for me. She’s not flawless, she may not the prettiest and the fairest out of them all, she struggles very hard getting rid of the sagging eyebags and skin from working too much hours and staying up late, plus all the stresses we caused her.

I love her – I know she does too – and I want her to know,

I also want all of you to know her as well for loving and raising this irreplaceable daughter of her no matter of what she has to go through.

***

my pretty mom!

This entry is a tribute to my mother, Melda H.S, and an entry to a blog writing competition held by B Blog. I think this competition is the right moment to share a little about my life to my readers. Hope you would get something good derived from this real story of our life, and be inspired as you now have heard of my mom!

berpartisipasi dalam B Blog

Review: Lioele Bubi Bubi Mascara #3 Dancing Blue

What do you think if you happen to see a woman at public place, wearing natural, pretty makeup BUT her lashes are painted blue like, electric blue? Is she insane or is there anything wrong with your eyes? That woman could be anyone, for example: me? Because today I have a special blue mascara review for all of you, and believe me, this is my favorite mascara for past few months~

Unusual Range of Color Selections in Korean Mascaras!

Lioele Bubi Bubi Mascara is not very popular but it seriously offers mascara shades of what other Korean mascaras don’t. Clear and blue shade, for example, which is common for US and UK brands. I’m totally excited about the blue—over the clear, of course—so I purchased it right away at Colormix during my HK trip last year.

Here’s the official ads of it:

Clear mascara, ah there’s always next time. Brown, too mainstream. Black, undoubtedly boring. Blue….wait what, blue? Dancing Blue is the name? I’m totally sold!

Check Out the Ingredients List, ALWAYS DO THIS

The tube is dominated by black color with metallic printing on the body saying the product’s name. Mostly tube products like this only have its ingredients list put on a sticker label attached to the outer plastic seal that’s wrapped all over it, so you might want to check it first before buying. And yes, it contains alcohol which some of you with sensitive eyes—not me, not really—might bother to use it. The alcohol scent bursts out as you open the tube, though it’s not very strong either.

Electric Blue, Babe!

The wand is a brush type wand, one kind that would help add volume to your lashes. However, it adds no volume at all but tends to clump sometimes. Just a little bit of lengthening effect. Very little! You can see the blue color is pretty striking; it’s totally an electric blue color! Awesome, just as expected. The formula of this mascara is pretty dry, it dries quickly on your lashes than it is when swatched. If you want to coat over your lashes for the second or third time, you better do it quick before it dries and you will end up flaking the first coat. Being dry on the formula also has its own advantage of holding up curl well without weighing the lashes down.

It’s totally waterproof and smudgeproof, flaking issues only occur if you happen to rub your eyes very hard like if they were very itchy. That feeling, remember? But that’s quite rare. You won’t mess your eye makeup by doing that. What an amazing staying power it has, albeit it’s also very hard to remove. Every attempt of getting rid of this mascara will always cost me one, or two strands of eyelash. Dry formula must be the bad guy here! I still would have lashes left if I happen to wear this mascara everyday, wouldn’t I? *terrified*

As shown in pictures above, it is electric blue that’s on your lashes. Don’t worry, the color won’t be so obviously ‘electric blueeeee’ unless someone is only 40-50 cm away from your face. At least it’s not very noticeable from a distance of 1 meter or more, promise!

This mascara retails at HKD$50 at Colourmix, and other retail stores that carries Lioele brand. Pretty cheap for mascara…YES IT IS CHEAP THIS ONE HAS 7G IN IT LOL I’M REPURCHASING

Score

Last Words?

Overall, Lioele Bubi Bubi Mascara is awesome, it comes with unusual range of color selections and has great staying power Korean brands don’t usually do. Sadly this mascara contains alcohol, which stings on some with sensitive eyes. Removing and building this mascara up can be a little hard due to its budgeproof and dry formula, but still this one is a cheap alternative for those who want a perk up in their eyes during the summer season! Completely wearable, not whore-able. You know you can trust me!

C’mon, give fun and daring colors more shots. Winter season is going to get over itself very soon, we’re going to back to those sunny, bright days! Blue can never be wrong, it’s the color of our sky!

So what do you think about this? Will you give it a try, or a nay? Do comment, because you guys know how much I love to hear it from you. XOXO ♥

Haul: January Madness! First Haul in 2014 ♥

This haul post is the very first haul that I did in 2014! Yay and let’s hear from you girls too! Actually these items were ordered like back there in November and December, but just happened to arrive here in Indonesia now so…let’s simply call them a January haul, shall we ;)

I really made myself broke for this haul, I mean the holiday season was when you should really spend out your money on! The limited editions and the joyful mood of days-off around—which led to a free-googling-time, the second most dangerous activity of women—how could you pass on those items? Even though I managed to get one limited edition item of the year, I still regret why not taking some items earlier as they were completely disappeared when I was convinced enough to buy: in example the famous-but-discontinued Laura Mercier Artist Palette 2013. Boo! Things sure disappear so fast, so let’s get into them before the hauling season is over—and let me drown in the guilty mood of purchasing too many. Here is what I got:

Rouge Bunny Rouge Aqua Primer Prelude in the Clouds

Rouge Bunny Rouge Seas of Illumination in Sea of Tranquility

Rouge Bunny Rouge babeeeeeeh! Finally I can get them in my hand and yes, I would like to agree with those who say that Rouge Bunny Rouge packaging is looking so expensive and…lovely. The price is not unfortunately. Each costs me like above $50 idk, but finally it makes me happy just to take a look to them. The outer cylindrical tube is cute, but I prefer the bottle inside. Wanna know how do they look like? Soon, in my reviews!

Second picture is all about Coastal Scents! I grabbed like 4 liquid liners as an act of stocking up because they’re just too lovely! Nothing, until today, beats the performance of the cheap $2.49 liquid liner of Coastal Scents on my eyes. Kudos! The brush cleanser got lot of compliments too on site’s reviews, so I grabbed it. The Brush Guard, for my blending brushes being kept in shape.

Coastal Scents Liquid Liner in Jet x 4

Coastal Scents Brush Shampoo Cleanser

Coastal Scents The Brush Guard Shadow & Liner Pack

Coastal Scents Elite Angled Blush Brush

I love Essence so much! This Germany brand literally travelled all the way around from Germany here to Indonesia, in a friend’s backpack LOL. There are their eye primer, famous sharpener which is said to be dupe for UD Grindhouse, and the fantastic mascara!

Essence I Extreme Crazy Volume Mascara

Essence I Stage Eyeshadow Base

Inglot Lip Refill #33

Essence Dual Sharpener

Elianto Splendour Shadow in 07 Shell Beige

Rosebud Perfume Co. Smith’s Minted Rose Lip Balm

Shu Uemura x Takashi Murakami Lip & Cheek Funtasy in Heroine Rose

And oh, spotted the Rosebud Perfume Co. lip balm there? Spoiler alert, it’s a holy grail of mine now—even Burt’s Bees got kicked out of my stash! There’s also a prize that I win from Carnellin’s 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, Shu Uemura product which is very adorable lip product, err, seems that I’ve found a dupe to.

To the tools & miscellaneous section, here I have:

Sariayu Pembersih Jeruk

Maybelline Clean Express Total Clean Eye & Lip Makeup Remover

Sigma F82 Round Kabuki Brush

Sigma F05 Small Contour Brush

…And loving all of them. Reviews soon. Hopefully… *get slapped*

Moving to the last, and the biggest purchase of 2013 here I proudly present:

Tarte Gorgeous Getaways ULTA Limited Edition Palette!

This baby needed a lot of effort to get it but I finally managed to have it here! I’ve been eyeing on Tarte’s limited edition palette especially in those that department store like QVC, Ulta, and Sephora brings but never had luck to get them in the past. Sad, I know! But whatever, now the gloom is over. This palette is PRETTY even though if you google some reviews are not very good, but I’m loving it anyway! The inside part should remain a secret until I happen to review it, be patient kay? ;)

So that’s all for my January Haul! Have you did some haul too? Would love to know what’s yours, so that I don’t feel all guilty for spending money on stuffs LOL ♥

2014 Resolutions

Wait a minute…it’s January 2014 already eh?

First of all I would like to apologize for being such a lazy blogger last year. I still remembered stating “being more diligent next year” in my 2013 resolution post here which seems to be…a total lie. Erm. Well, let’s make another resolution post, shall we? For 2014 I mean, and let (me) make it real this time! Even tho I’m not very sure because I have national exam this year and some foreign language course as well…..

Being an Active Blogger

This time it’s for real…yet I hope. I’ve been too and overly lazy last year, so this year I’d better be serious! Being active doesn’t mean I will be posting everyday, but I have to at least post up new stuffs weekly or maybe couple times in one week. Bringing up new topics, more reviews, and social media bombs like hash tags game!

Graduate with Good Scores

I will no longer be a high school student when June comes! *sobs* It’s such a joy to leave school for uni, but it also means no time for playing anymore eh? I gotta struggle hard on my last year and semester in high school with tryouts and school exams, plus the national exams. Finger crossed that I could get >8.5 for my final score in high school!

SHOPPING BAN SELF for a Month!!!

This is the thing I SHOULD really make happen for this year. I realize, ahem, I’ve shopped a lot but well companies keep releasing something new by time and how could I resist them…THERE I GO AGAIN. This year I would like to save more money for “a big project in my life I hope will come true” so yeah, shopping ban self for a month could really help. Oh, of course I won’t ban myself from shopping after the tiring and exhausting exams mood, so the ban will maybe around June or February-March. One month is good…two months are awesome, but seem impossible for me?

Learn How to Cook

It’s not that I cannot cook at all, I just want to learn some recipes to add variety to my dishes.

so true, at least for me.

Get a Driving License

I should do this! I should take a driving course for couple hours before going straight to take test for my driving license. Time to drive my own self crazy…but safe on the road. Kidding!

Save Up More Money

As mentioned above, I want to shopping ban self so that I can save up money that I usually spend on a month. Holidays are waiting just right ahead as I finish my high school, therefore I gotta save up if I really want to go overseas or just some road trips.

BANGKOK! Shopping madness!

SINGAPORE!

Lose Some kg-s

Okay this goal is not reached….yet. Just not yet! I believe I can get rid of some kg(s) and fat as well during the crazy weeks of exams. Just make sure every cupboard and my dining table is clear, like, nothing taste like cookies and cream around. And please nobody mentions it to me, I beg you!

OH RE OW

Find a Right Skincare Products & Define Out My Own Regime

I’ve been so frustrated last year because my skin is driven crazy, literally crazy. Breakouts everywhere, and I seemed (and still do) to break out to acne-fighting substances inside one product. How can that not be frustrating enough? Earlier in this year I just found out that my skin is DRY on cheeks area and normal on my T-zone. Seems like I’ve been mistreating them for a while and that caused it to rage… Time out please, let’s chill ‘em out!

***

Aaaaand I guess that’s all important that I want to put more attention on for the rest of the days in 2014. The other bucket list of what to do and what I want can always be checked on the Wishlist tab above, or on the right side column of this blog ;) Better late than never, I’m wishing all of you a Happy New Year and better days ahead. Ciao! XOXO ♥

2013 Favorites: Songs & Music Albums (CONTENT ALERT: 70% EDM)

Merry Christmas 2013, everyone!

Have a blessed, loved, and wonderful Christmas of the year. Caroline and her family are wishing all the merriest, prettiest Christmas for all of you!

***

It’s only a week to go before New Year! Should it be a yay or nay, I still don’t know – well at least for me myself. So many things happened this year, in 2013, and time sure flies (too) fast that some events were not embraced to the fullest, even never the least. I wish I could blog more, for example. And had bought a lot more back there in Hong Kong. The least was just a joke – okay not really, it was for real.

Since I posted a lot of new year-related-things last year like resolutions and such thingy, I want to do more for this amazing 2013! I will post – starting from this one – my 2013 favorites, from books to makeup and skincare products, with some short reviews/descriptions about them. Curious much? Let’s get started, shall we?

As the title mentions it all, this post is going to be about my favorite songs/albums/singles of the year. Pre-warning here, this post is going to be like err 70% about EDM (Electro Dance Music) so if you’re not so into that genre, let’s just say I love EDM and they’re my favorite songs & artists in 2013, period, and click out of this page XD kidding! It’s a Christmas eve, share some love with EDM too – it’s okay, promise.

1. TRUE – Avicii // Album

With 12 tracks inside, this album is TRUE-ly the winner of my heart. Avicii got ranked #3 in DJ Mag this 2013, much undoubted for us. My favorite track from this album is X You, yet this song was what brought me to love EDM songs once again. It’s a collaboration of Avicii with the rest of the world, people sending their works of mixing, bass, etc and then some contributors were picked and Avicii put them all into one beautiful mix. Of course, the world hits “You Make Me” and “Wake Me Up” are also included in this album, making the selling high and the store is always being out of stock of it (at least in my town!). Dear Boy is also awesome too!

2. Never Say Goodbye – Hardwell & Dyro ft. Bright Lights // Single

Let’s take a break from here, a little chit-chat would just do. Don’t you realize that EDM songs do have “meaningful” lyric lately? It’s not like pop or R&B songs – ugh the words picked and used are just getting ruder and contain a lot of profanities, that being said – EDM have won better place in their listeners’ playlist and heart, lately. Like this song from the #1 DJ in 2013, Hardwell, the lyric this song has is obviously (too) short because we have a lot of mixing sounds here and there. Being short it is, but the lyric sure has good point there. You should google the lyric once finished downloading the song, it’s  a really great song to hear – even though Hardwell are not for everyone, his songs & mixings are not like Avicii’s or Guetta’s, at least that’s what my friends said – especially for those who love great and lively beat breaks.

3. 17 – Avril Lavigne // Album Track

Finally not an EDM song, eh? This song is still an upbeat one, from my childhood idol Avril Lavigne. Talking about her life back there when she was just a seventeen years old teen, this song really reminds me to enjoy and embrace my life to the fullest while I am (still) seventeen.

4. Animals – Martin Garrix // Single

Like X You, this is not literally a song, it’s an instrumental mix. Martin Garrix has the thing there, he’s 17 (OMG at my age and already is in the big 40 DJ all over the world!) young, fresh, cute, and very talented. This mix is beautifully produced by him alone, just two days before my birthday. Lovable track to hear indeed, the beat break is very detail – a rhythmic sound like water drops – and not heavy. This is his very first international hit and he already has his very own style there, it’s too obvious! A great DJ he will be.

5. Counting Stars – One Republic // Single

It’s been a long time since the last time I really had a heart for One Republic’s song (Apologize), but Counting Stars quickly claimed my heart the first time I listened to it. The rest of the world seemed to agree with me, this single peaked at #3 in Billboard Hot 100, becoming their first top five hit since highest charting debut single Apologize.

6. Wake Me Up – Avicii // Single, Album Track

This is the song that inspires me lately. Especially its music video, thanks, now I want that Avicii logo tattoo on my body. So Avicii-ized. The MV brings the song lyric clearer to me: it’s about two girls who seemed to be sisters, being discriminated and looked over in a weird way by the people in their old school town. The two females didn’t know why people are acting like that to them, but they had Avicii logo tattoed on their part of body and did dress fancier than others in the town. Soon the elder girl went out the countryside and rode a horse to a bigger city, and she found a group of people with the same tattoo on them before they finally head out to a rave party. She enjoys the event, then comes back home to bring her younger sister along and they move to the new city, the end. The MV got so a lot critiques more than appreciations – some interpret that the two females are cool, beautiful, and attractive therefore they can rave, not like the rest of the people in the countryside which is old-fashioned and just “average looking”.

To me it’s about a younger generation with rave, party life and fancy dresses which is despised (obviously…) by the older generation for listening to “broken-radio-sounded-like” songs and behaving differently – rave, always being on the headphones etc – as compared to them, and nothing is wrong with that! Generation switches one to another over time, none of both is wrong because technology evolves by time and it’s us who work on it by the way…so if the switch is a fault, it must be ours – both the older and younger generation. A great song, nice guitar composition mixed with Avicii’s mixing style.

7. Under Control – Calvin Harris, Alesso ft. Hurts // Single

I love the breaks, that’s all – and Hurts’ voice is sexy, so like Example’s XD Plus I love Alesso’s touch in the mixing. Even though I’m not so into Calvin Harris for reasons, like 1.) he’s dating Rita Ora whom I hate, 2.) he’s currently the richest DJ after the debut with Rihanna in We Found Love, 3.) his breaks are too heavy for me. Personal matters…

8. Here’s To Never Growin’ Up – Avril Lavigne // Single, Album Track

This song reminds me of my high school year of which will end soon. After this we will enter uni, and there’s a big possibility of us not going to the same uni! So sad, but it’s the truth btw. Every time my girls and I went to karaoke, this song is always on the playlist. Aww, goodbye is inevitable.

9. Wrecking Balls – Miley Cyrus // Single

Oh I hate Miley ever since I could remember - from the Hannah Montana era I think. Apart of the singer itself, her songs are always lovely to hear. Like this controversial song about her love life, I love the melody and the song itself but NEVER the singer and the MV – just eww. I am honestly kinda sympathetic of what she’s been through with Liam and her insecurities, but since I never really liked her I choose not to give a damn there except for this song. Ha, broken heart always brings money for entertainers indeed! You hear this, Taylor?

10. Alive (Hardwell Final Remix) – Krewella // Single

I love Krewella, BUT I cannot love Hardwell’s (final) touch more in this song more than the original version. That is that, being said already. The remixed version has more lively feeling to the song itself. This is the very first Hardwell song/remix that I listen to, and I quickly find it perfect. That man is sexy man, quoting my friend Nayzu. I see your point there~~!

***

So those are all my favorite songs of the year! Woo! If you’re an EDM lover like me, these songs are definitely familiar for you. If you have more great EDM songs – or any other songs, country, rock, anything BUT KPOP! – please share your favorite songs below. I would like to apologize if my taste does not fit yours…well I’m kinda into party mood lately because busy days have finally taken their toll on me: stress and pimples, etc. Uh.

Thank you for reading this post, stay tuned for more favorites of the year, XOXO <3

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